Matthew 4:13-17 (New Living Translation)
13 He went first to Nazareth, then left there and moved to Capernaum, beside the Sea of Galilee, in the region of Zebulun and Naphtali. 14 This fulfilled what God said through the prophet Isaiah:
15 “In the land of Zebulun and of Naphtali,
beside the sea, beyond the Jordan River,
in Galilee where so many Gentiles live,
16 the people who sat in darkness
have seen a great light.
And for those who lived in the land where death casts its shadow,
a light has shined.”
17 From then on Jesus began to preach, “Repent of your sins and turn to God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near.”
It is a myth to think that authentic friendship is strictly organic. All healthy relationships need to be worked on, and they need to be intentional. The more diversity in a relationship, the more intentionality there needs to be in fostering genuine connection. Capernaum was a strategic move for Jesus to bring about the Kingdom of God. The KOG is not an exclusive club but is a diverse community. Diversity and multiethnic relations rarely happen organically; we must be intentional in our relationships and the space we choose to live. I want to suggest five stages of friendship.
“Know about”: At stage one, you simply “know about” someone. The person may know about someone, but they do not know them personally (i.e., I know about Martin Luther King Jr., but I did not know him personally). In terms of race relations, one may know a lot of information about a category of people, but it does not transfer into authentic relationships.
Acquaintance: This is the beginning of a relationship. A meeting... there is no depth other than being cordial. It is not enough to know a lot of info about people; true reconciliation must happen face to face. Reconciliation does not occur just by changing someone’s “stinkin thinkin.’ Reconciliation is a more profound work that calls for white bodies and bipoc bodies to be in the same room.
Transactional Relationship: At this stage, folks have a common task: work, school, church, etc. The interaction is more frequent, but this doesn’t necessarily lead to authentic relationships. The transactional relationship is often a “simplex relationship,” meaning the two parties interact when a transaction needs to occur. There is a myth that authentic relationships are organic and that they must be intentional. The more differences there are between two people, the more intentional you will need to be. Transactional relationships are often organic (you both happen to be at the same place at the same time), but neither of the parties makes intentional steps to take the relationship deeper. At this stage, a white church, company, or school may have “token” bipoc as staff, members, students, etc. The presence of bipoc in these situations often keeps white people from looking bad, as they present the facade that they care about racial reconciliation. Still, they do not allow for equity among diversity.
Personal relationship: This stage is “to know'' someone; this is the beginning of a friendship. The personal connection is often the beginning stages of a multiplex relationship, where you interact in more than one environment. At this stage, both parties are intentional about spending time with each other. Here you find common interest as well as celebrate diversity. Here a person begins to embrace empathy and will work on overcoming their bias.’
Beloved community: Your people become my people. This stage is a full-blown multiplex relationship (where life intersects in a wide variety of places). Here the parties begin to share life and include “your people “ in that relationship. A community works for love and justice. Listening is an essential component of building a beloved community. It is vital to work through conflicts as they arise and to practice forgiveness. Friends become family.
Evaluate the people you call friends in your life? What steps can you take to begin fostering authentic relationships among people who are different from you? How can you go deeper? Don’t be satisfied with transactional relationships. Don’t be deceived thinking you don’t need to be intentional about overcoming racism and working for reconciliation. Reconciliation is life-long relationship work!
https://medium.com/off-the-beaten-path/drawing-on-culture-part-1-lamiti%C3%A9-friendship-592abe885351
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